Caught in The Act by ancientgir
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Just another day in the Snape household. I hope you all enjoy this. This is a one-shot I thought up at work. This is of course a continuation of the characters from The Long Wait.

I want to thank June for her wonderful beta work.

Caught in The Act

He paced in front of the four, with his hands clasped behind his back and his head bowed down. Hermione sat in his favorite chair next to the fireplace, with an angry look on her face and her arms crossed. When he was in front of the couch again, he turned to the four and then crossed his arms across his chest.

“Well, is no one going to confess?” Severus looked at the group, that had for some four years now become what most professors in Hogwarts Castle affectionately referred to as CROK. He looked at each of them. They were good; he had to admit that much. His children, Raven and Kat, who were now eight and seven, had inherited his talent for keeping a blank expression on their face, lest they give anything away. And Osiris and Crookshanks, being animals, had an easy time hiding any expression. As Severus looked at them all, he noticed his son Raven was readying himself to speak, and turned to look his way.

“Well, I for one don’t know what you’re talking about, Dad,” he said innocently, as he looked up at Severus with huge black eyes, another inherited trait from his father.

“Neither do I, Daddy,” echoed Kat. Severus looked at his daughter. Her curly mane of hair was now falling partly in her face, so that all he could see of his daughter was her deep brown glittering eyes. Osiris and Crookshanks then spoke.

“We’re clueless over here, too,” said Osiris, Severus’ cousin who had been trapped in his Animagus form as a bird.

“Yes, clueless,” added Crookshanks. Severus arched his eyebrow, then turned to Hermione. She stood up and walked towards the group, as Severus then sat in her abandoned chair.

“So, none of you know anything about the toilets that are presently exploding in twenty-minute intervals throughout the entire castle?” asked Hermione. The four on the couch shook their heads. “And I suppose you also do not know how Hagrid’s beard began sprouting Pygmy Dragons every time he passed gas two months ago?” Again, the group shook their heads in unison. “And of course you have no idea how last month the batch of Laxative Potion for the Hospital wing turned up in the morning oatmeal for a week?” Hermione sighed, then turned to her husband, who nodded for her to continue.

“Very well. Seeing that no one will accept responsibility, then I am afraid that I must act on the evidence.” Hermione crossed her arms, and eyed the group. In her children’s faces, she noticed a slight twitching of the eyes when she mentioned evidence.

“Um, evidence? What evidence?” asked Osiris. Hermione walked towards Severus, who handed her something; then she turned and walked towards Crookshanks, stood in front of him, and smiled. Crookshanks looked up at her, and his tail started flailing wildly.

“Huh? Me? What makes you think that I had anything to do with all this?” he asked.

“Easy,” she raised a small plastic bag, with a very disgusting item. “You left a hairball in Myrtle’s bathroom.” Crookshanks eyes grew wide, and his mouth opened and closed several times, before he finally kept it shut for good. Hermione then moved towards Osiris.

“However, since you, Crookshanks, are not magically inclined, I must surmise that you had a willing accomplice,” she said as she stopped in front of Osiris.

“Me? Come on, I don’t leave hairballs,” Osiris said. Hermione then walked back to Severus, who handed her another bag. She approached Osiris again, and held up the bag.

“No, Osiris, you left no hairball. However, you did leave this feather, which was found right next to said hairball.” Osiris shook his head and sat back against the couch. Hermione moved down the row, and stopped in front of Kat. Her daughter looked up at her with her angelic face and innocent eyes.

“Mummy, you don’t think I had anything to do with any of these pranks?” she asked, her voice as sweet as the Dove chocolates Severus had come home with after his outing to the Ministry of Magic two days prior. Hermione smiled and bent forward so she was more eye level to her daughter.

“I most certainly do think you had something to do with all of these pranks.” Again, Hermione repeated the same patter of walking to Severus and coming back with a small bag in hand. She held it up in front of Kat and heard a gasp from the little girl, who looked down and noticed her naked wrist. “You dropped your bracelet, no doubt as you were fleeing the scene.” Hermione now made her final trip to Severus, and took hold of the small box he gave her. She then turned and walked to where Raven had been quietly observing the entire scene.

“Mum, I don’t have feathers, I don’t cough up hairballs, and I don’t wear any jewelry. I know you can’t possibly think I had anything to do with all this?” said Raven innocently.

“Son, not only do I think you had a hand in all of this,” she narrowed her eyes, “It is you whom I believe to have orchestrated it all.” Hermione proceeded to open the box, and began to take out the items inside. She held up a small book, “Exhibit A, Pygmy Dragons of the East, by Walter Abery,” she placed the book on the table, then took out another one. “Exhibit B, Cleanse Your Body From The Inside, Potions For A Squeaky Clean Colon by Rafael Garces,” she placed the book on top of the first, then reached into the box for the final item. “And this, of course, was the final piece of the puzzle.” Hermione held up a DVD of Animal House. “Your father has been looking for this. Imagine our surprise when we found it under your mattress, along with notes and a diagram of the locations of the bathrooms within the castle.”

She surveyed the four on the couch, and was happy to note they all, even Osiris and Crookshanks, had the decency to at least look guilty. She turned to Severus, “I’ll be in the study.” She turned and walked out of the room. Severus narrowed his eyes and looked at the four offenders. He stood and took his former spot in front of them.

“Osiris, Crookshanks, I am thoroughly disappointed in you both. You two should know better,” he looked at Osiris, “You are a Slytherin. For gods’ sake, how the bloody hell could you have let yourself get found out because you’re molting? And you,” he looked at Crookshanks, “cats are supposed to be sneaky, yet you go around leaving hairball trails all about.” He then walked over to the children, “And you two. Have you learned nothing? If you want to avoid being sorted into Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, or,” he made a face, “heaven forbid Gryffindor, you’ll have to do better that this.” He turned and walked to the fireplace, then turned to them.

“Raven, Kat, you are forbidden to use magic for two weeks,” he said.

“Aww, Dad!” they both said. Severus held up his hand.

“Aww Dad nothing. Perhaps this will teach you to be more careful in the future. Now go to your rooms.” Severus waved them away. The children stood and walked to their rooms with their heads hung low. They were very intelligent, and having two very powerful parents gave them the advantage of being born with the talent of wandless magic. Severus then looked at Osiris and Crookshanks. “And you two will not be watching your television for one month.”

“WHAT?” yelled Osiris, as he flapped his wings.

“A month? That’s not fair, you gave the kids only two weeks punishment,” said Crookshanks.

“Yeah. How come we warrant more punishment?” said Osiris. Severus smiled and sat down.

“You are older, so your punishment should be greater. Besides, did you forget what I said to you several years back? If I do not see it, I do not know of it, thus I can deny it. I swear if Albus calls me into his office one more time to ask me why the first years’ teeth are all purple, or why the Quidditch field has been turned into a jello-filled swimming pool, I will lock you two up in a cage, and hang you in Sybil Trelawneys classroom for three months.” Severus got up and walked to the study. Osiris looked at Crookshanks.

“Come on, we better get to the Ravenclaws’ dorms, before they get out of classes,” Osiris said, as Crookshanks jumped down to the floor.

“Yeah, you better get those poison oak leaves out of their beds. Maybe we could leave that for next term?” asked Crookshanks.

“Next term, my arse. All this will be forgotten in a few days. Nobody would suspect us. After all, we’re being punished, and we’ve learned our lesson, right?”

“Right. Never give up, never surrender,” said Crookshanks as Osiris hopped on his back.

“Oh, I love Galaxy Quest. I wonder if we could sneak into Harry and Pansy’s room later. After all, Severus didn’t say we couldn’t watch someone else’s telly.”


I\'m all moved but will be living out of boxes for several weeks. I\'m hoping to start drafting the first few chapters of my next story. The children will be older, and possibly be joined by a Malfoy or two. Thanks for all of the support you have all shown me.