Could use a lot more explanation - why would Dumbledore allow Snape to take the baby to Voldemort, why would Snape take Hermione and \"Harry\'s\" baby to Voldemort, what happened to Harry who is supposed to kill Voldemort according to the prophecy, how did Hermione get pregnant with Snape\'s baby and then not tell him that it\'s his child, etc., etc.
This story is way to short for what you threw at us. Snape has a son with Hermione, but with absolutely no back story. Snape takes a baby to Voldemort is something I can\'t see him doing at all without some sort of STORY to justify his actions. You go from Hermione announcing Snape and Voldemorts death to a years later snippet where she is now married to Lupin with another child. You wrote bare sentences in an attempt to shock your audience with the tragedy of it all, when in reality, all we are doing is going \"Huh?\" There is no justification for anything in this story. It\'s way too much to be a one shot. Think about redoing it with more backstory so the audience will \"feel\" for the characters involved, and understand their motivations. Truthfully, to make this work this story would need to be at least 50Kb by my thinking. wolfen